Whole30 (day 16)

On a scale from 1 to 10, today was a 4. It started out good. I LOVE the way I feel in the mornings. I had a small, but good breakfast before going to the temple early, 6:00am. I wanted to eat a bit more when I got home at 7:30am, but decided to lay down instead. Addie let me sleep for 45 minutes and then I got up and took her to school. I came home, feeling great and sat down to work on my (very late, as always) BPC class. I didn't let myself get too hungry, before stopping to make lunch. I heated up some dinner from last night (Melissa's Chicken Hash, from the Whole30 book) and ate that with apple slices and almond butter, and then I sipped herbal tea back at my desk. This is when it (my productive day) started to fall apart. Nothing went horribly wrong, but it was just one interruption after another. Geoff came home for lunch, Chase needed help with his online class/quiz, my neighbor stopped by, and I had multiple phone calls in succession that I had to take—including the one from my parents in Hawaii about their delayed flight from Molokai to Honolulu. This one required me to call Expedia (again, for the 4th time this week) about their reservations that have been messed up since they left home. By the time I had been on hold for 15+ minutes (while listening to a recording assuring me that my call was important to them ... yeah right!) and then, when I was immediately disconnected just after hearing, "Hello my name is Pam ..." ARGHHH!!! Trust me, I was super FRUSTRATED. Luckily my brother, Cougar called just as I was calling Expedia back and I decided to take his call, so I could calm down. I needed fresh air in a bad way, so I actually WALKed up and down my street (in my slippers) as we chatted. He and my son, Clark just returned from a humanitarian trip to Ecuador, so he was filling me in on some details and stories. Back at my desk, I was breathing better, so I decided to call Alaska Airlines directly and see if I could make any headway going around Expedia—I did talk to a very kind man (Alex in Phoenix) who helped me understand how to help my father, should things go from bad to worse. After that I was able to do a bit more on my class and take some photos, before Clark unexpectedly called. I have been so anxious to hear from him and it was great to catch up. I decided to take his call outside as well (it was a beautiful spring day) and we talked as I walked up and down the street again—still in my slippers! He has a LOT going on in his life right now—all good, but lots to think about (more on that later!) Anyway, I was still on the phone with him, when the "pick up Addie from the bus" alarm went off, so I ran back inside, put on my shoes and headed down the hill in the van. We said good-bye as Addie climbed into the backseat and she and I headed straight to her weekly tutor. While she was there, I had planned to dash into the grocery store, and stock up on fresh produce, but just as I was examining the avocados, my Dad called to inform me that they had indeed missed their flight back to the mainland, but not to worry. As I was listening to Dad, I got a text from Taft (he's working tech crew for our high school musical that opens tomorrow) and he wanted me to run him up some dinner. This reminded me that I hadn't yet picked up Trey's Rx from Walgreens (Trey is in the play, and came home with a sore throat last night. Geoff started him on a Zpack, but we MUST get him feeling better ASAP.) I called Geoff and luckily he was done at work and able to dash over and pick up Addie, so I could grab the Rx, run home, whip up a sandwich and get it to Taft. By the time I got back, we had just one hour to spare before our "2015 taxes" meeting with our accountant, scheduled at 7:00pm. In case you don't know, I strongly dislike any meetings where numbers are discussed. But, I'm super proud of myself, because I managed to stay positive and not shove a handful of cashews in my mouth. Instead, I roasted asparagus, made super yummy tilapia with homemade tartar sauce and a salad. But, just as we sat down at the table, Geoff had to take a call (doctor stuff) and by the time he was done, so was dinner. It just didn't feel like a meal. NOT relaxing at all ...

All of this is to say that I'm learning and relearning how much my food choices (especially in the past) have reflected my (perceived) sense of control or lack of control. And on run-a-way days like today, my food choices are not good! The thing is, I wasn't hungry all afternoon, but from 4:00pm on, I desperately wanted to EAT something (anything) to soothe my mounting anxiety. Maybe you can relate?

The good news is, I didn't blow it. I'm in this Whole30 thing 15 days, and I'm NOT about to give up now. I pulled through. When we returned from the 2-hour accountant meeting, I did make a banana + coconut milk + 1 Tbsp cocoa + ice smoothie. Technically, I'm not supposed to create anything that looks like dessert, but I'm not "cured" yet and the smoothie was better than the alternative. I sipped it, while beginning this post. I am now going to bed and hoping for a greater degree of (perceived) control tomorrow.