I'm almost 100% certain this will make you cry. It did me.
I have actually come to believe that this tendency to feel things deeply and respond with tears is a genetic trait. I'm sure it is also something I have nurtured as I choose to expose myself to sentimental and spiritual things. I have endowed a couple of my children with this sensitivity and I'm not so sure they are grateful for that. My father is a big tease and I've decided that one of the reasons is because he feels things very intensely and has learned how to quickly respond with humor—before his truer emotions get the better of him. One of my boys recently said to me, "So, I just have to learn some good jokes, and be funny?!"
In one of the earliest meetings for Simple Scrapbooks magazine, with executives from Primedia, something was said or decided (I don't remember now what it was) and I immediately felt my face flush and my throat tighten. I was going to CRY in a business meeting! UGH. I think I somehow fought it off and managed to maintain composure, but a few months later in another meeting, I let it all out. The meeting facilitator said, "You are a very passionate person. It's Ok. In fact, It's refreshing to be with someone who cares so authentically about this brand and its message." From then on, I have tried to own my tears and recognize them as part of me. Yesterday, the church choir sang Christ the Lord is Risen Today—the one with all the hallelujahs and I lost it. I didn't have a tissue and so I just sat there and blubbered all over myself. Sweet Addie tried her best to help me, but it was useless.
I decided this morning (like nearly every morning over the last two months) that I would blog. Man I wish I could figure out why it is so easy for me to quit blogging, but I'm just going to try and not worry about it. Anyway, I received a surprise email from Karen Grunberg, a former instructor at Big Picture Classes. It was SO GOOD to see her name in my inbox. I read the email, replied and then sat down here at my computer to visit her blog. As I scrolled through the last few months of her life, my desire to hit that magical "Save & Publish" button on my own blog swelled within me. I thought, I seriously want to do this TODAY. Then I clicked on one of her links and watched the video I shared above. I melted. And, that is what ultimately brought me here, to start writing. Maybe there is something I can learn from this experience, about my desires, my reluctance and my passion for writing and sharing. I am drawn to sentimental, feel-good messaging. I need to expose myself to these things, because when I do I have an overwhelming urge to share and that urgency then pushes me past the initial inertia required to get started.
At least for today.